Our Royalty: Bangs Aren't All Michelle Obama And Kate Middleton Have In Common
Ask yourself this question: How weird would it be if you changed your hair and it was on the news?
No, seriously. Pull back from everything you know about celebrity and pretend it's about you. You change your hair. You decide, "Hey, you know what? It's been long for a while; what if I went a little shorter?" And so you go a little shorter. And then it is on the news.
That's what happened to Michelle Obama when new photographic evidence emerged that proved — no paperwork needed, no investigative journalism, no shoe-leather reporting — that she has bangs. SHE HAS BANGS! If this were an old black-and-white movie, this would be the part where you'd suddenly see people madly running to telegraph machines and reporters hurrying to the phones to call their editors, and you'd hear "beeeeep-be-deep-deep-beetle-deep-deep" as the news began to spread. SHE HAS BANGS! BANGS BANGS BANGS! The headline "Breaking: Michelle Obama Has Bangs!" really exists. As does the headline "Michelle Obama's Bangs Sparking Hair Revolution." As does, inevitably, a headline beginning "She Bangs." (That's a Ricky Martin reference, youngsters.)
It's not just current first ladies to whom this happens, either. If you don't believe me, Google "Hillary Clinton scrunchies." Or check out the entire Daily Beast slideshow from 2010 called "First Lady Hair."
You know who else's bangs caused a stir recently? Kate Middleton's.
And in fact, as stern as Americans are about not having or believing in royalty, and about presidents not being kings, it's remarkable how much first ladies feel, at least in pop culture, like prominent members of a royal family — particularly modern ones like Middleton or, for that matter, Princess Diana. The role of first lady has become essentially to (1) engage in attention-grabbing advocacy for a chosen cause or causes, (2) try to be an ambassador of likability, (3) get your picture taken a lot while people fuss disproportionately over what you're wearing, and (4) have lots and lots of people hate your guts and complain about your uselessness and/or profligacy while others admire you to the point where they will line up to see you.