A Soldier's Battle Lost After Returning Home
Spc. Lance Pilgrim was among the first Army troops to enter Iraq in March 2003. Eventually, he was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and died from an accidental overdose in 2007 at the age of 26.
His father, Randy Pilgrim, says he first realized something was wrong when his son broke down at the sight of an animal that had been run over. The image had triggered the memory of a traumatic time overseas.
"We tried once to go around bodies in Iraq, but we were ambushed. So we were told from then on, don't let anything slow you down," Lance Pilgrim told his father. "I had to run over people. ... I don't think I'll ever get that out of my mind."
That same summer, he started managing his panic attacks with pain medication. His mother, Judy Pilgrim, says he became dependent on it.
Then he started leaving the base without permission, showing up at home in the middle of the week. He finally got an Other Than Honorable Discharge, which meant his service in Iraq no longer qualified him for veterans benefits — or military funeral honors when he died.
Letter From Lance Pilgrim To The Veterans Affairs Hospital
After his discharge from the Army, Lance Pilgrim worked to restore his veterans benefits, writing this letter to the VA. He was later diagnosed with service-related post-traumatic stress disorder.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I do know that before the war, I loved the Army and wanted to make it a career. Upon return from Iraq, I went from a Specialist promotable who knew my job well and loved what I did, to nothing in a few short months.
Now I take my life one day at a time. I still have terrible nightmares and wake up violent and panicking. I can't stand to watch anything with military in it. It makes my anxiety level rise.
I always feel like I have to protect my home and family, like someone is coming for us. Some nights, I stay up all night listening for intruders. I worry I might sleepwalk and get a gun sometimes. My father has had to remove all the guns out of the house. Some nights I worry about how I would kill an intruder without my gun. I'm always planning ahead in my mind what I'll grab if they come, what I'll do. I'm always over-alert to what's going on around me. My worst days are the days after one of my dreams. I wake up and my zeal for life is gone.
Sincerely,
Lance Pilgrim